SPADES

By

Mark Barkley

©2000

A Short Film Script

1.         INT.    STUART AND CLAIRE’S KITCHEN/DINING AREA. MORNING

CLAIRE  sits at her dining table eating toast and drinking coffee.

There is a shot of a large sign on butcher’s paper with prominent lettering ”TOMORROW IS ..“ held by fridge magnets on the refrigerator .

STUART enters and gives CLAIRE a very average peck on the cheek .

STUART

Morning  .

CLAIRE

Hungry ?

STUART

No . Just coffee .

CLAIRE

There’s toast .

STUART

Ooh , love some toast .

CLAIRE

Jam ?

STUART

Ooh yeah .

CLAIRE

It’s in the fridge.

STUART

Hm.

CLAIRE

In the fridge .

STUART goes to the fridge and retrieves the jam without batting an eyelid at the sign on the door . He comes back to the dining table with the jam and a cup of coffee and sits down at the table . CLAIRE looks at him deeply engrossed in his newspaper. She looks at the sign . 

CLAIRE

Stuart  ?

STUART looks up from his newspaper  (”What’s On“ logo prominent). CLAIRE eyes the fridge sign . STUART sits in apparent  bewilderment .

STUART

”Tomorrow is ..“ what ?

STUART goes back to being completely engrossed in what he is reading. CLAIRE hunches back down to her coffee staring occasional daggers at STUART demolishing his toast .

CLAIRE

Last year I sent you a stripper-gram ? Hand-cuffed you to a  photocopier ? In your underpants ? Remember ? Round this time ?

STUART

(COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS) Claire , ‘re you gonna be anywhere near a newsagent ?  ”Computers Today“ should be out.

CLAIRE

A newsagent ? .. No.

STUART

O.K.

CLAIRE

(PAUSE) I’ll get it .. Anything else ? .. Shaving cream ?

STUART

Hm.

CLAIRE

I’ll get that too .

STUART

(BLANKLY) O.K. (PAUSE) Working late ?  

CLAIRE

Not all of us can take a day off for golf . When will I meet these golfing friends ?

STUART

Soon enough.

CLAIRE

You’re getting so boring . How long ‘ve we been married ?.. Three years .. Golf . It’s like watching paint dry ..I’ve got a shitload of paperwork.

STUART

So you’ll be late ?

CLAIRE

I’ll be on time.

STUART

Honey , golf is not like watching paint dry.

CLAIRE

It’s crap. Yes and we all remember last week . You got a hole in one bouncing off two trees and the roof of a golf buggy.

STUART

Well you’ve gotta tell a good story.

CLAIRE

I call a spade a spade.

STUART

And I call it a front-end loader ?

CLAIRE

Well .. yes . You exaggerate …. You exaggerate.

STUART

(BLANKLY)  O.K.

CLAIRE

I can’t even get an argument ! (SLAMS CUP DOWN AND STANDS)  You’re so boring !

CLAIRE exits , leaving STUART looking innocently after her.

2.   EXT.  FERRY TERMINAL (JETTY ONE)  EVENING 

CLAIRE sits at a ferry terminal bench.

She takes out Stuart’s computer magazine she has purchased and a tube of shaving  cream.

Opening the magazine to the middle , she squirts a liberal dose of shaving cream and mashes it within its pages.

Putting the magazine back into its plastic bag , she looks at her watch. The ferry arrives.

She boards the ferry followed by FERRY OCCUPANTS 2, 3, 4, &5.  We see river shots . Brisbane skyline at sunset. 

3.   INT.    FERRY INTERIOR    EVENING

CLAIRE sits down and takes out a book to read.

FERRY OCCUPANTS 2, 3, 4, &5 take seats around her.

FERRY OCCUPANT 1 , a man with an air of unstable mentality , enters and sits next to CLAIRE.

He stares at her and tries to read her book.

CLAIRE subtly makes distance without acknowledging him.

FERRY OCCUPANT 1 then pushes FERRY OCCUPANT 2 , a muscular male reading a book on yoga.

FERRY OCCUPANT 2 glances up from his book , smirks dismissively and looks  around . He goes back to his book.

FERRY OCCUPANT 1 gives FERRY OCCUPANT 2 another shove.

FERRY OCCUPANT 2 puts his book down and faces FERRY OCCUPANT 1.

From the POV of FERRY OCCUPANT 1 , FERRY OCCUPANT 2 looks very calmly and throws a well-aimed punch towards the camera.

Throughout the assault , we are focused on CLAIRE’S shocked face.

FERRY OCCUPANT 2 then grabs FERRY OCCUPANT 1 by the shirt lapels , picks him up and pushes him with momentum out the rear door of the ferry.

We see CLAIRE’S shocked face.

We see FERRY OCCUPANT 3 , a well-dressed woman , staring forward.

We see FERRY OCCUPANT 4 , a scruffy male teenager , staring forward.

We see FERRY OCCUPANT 5 , a casually dressed woman , staring forward.

FERRY OCCUPANT 2 returns and calmly resumes his seat.

CLAIRE , without trying to draw attention , strains around looking for FERRY OCCUPANT 1

.

We see a shot through the rear door of an empty back deck.

We see CLAIRE’S look of disbelief.

FERRY OCCUPANT 2 gets up and moves to the front of the craft.

CLAIRE looks across to FERRY OCCUPANT 3 and gives her a look to imply ”Shouldn’t we do something ?“

FERRY OCCUPANT 3 looks to CLAIRE and shakes her head to imply ”Don’t get involved “

The ferry has docked at a terminal and FERRY OCCUPANT 3  has stood up to alight.

FERRY OCCUPANT 4 stands and moves , followed by FERRY OCCUPANT 5.

FERRY OCCUPANT 4 looks towards CLAIRE and indicates for her to follow them.

CLAIRE sits a moment longer then follows the others.

 4.         EXT.  FERRY TERMINAL (JETTY TWO)  EVENING 

FERRY OCCUPANTS 3, 4 and 5 move to stand around a bench. CLAIRE walks up to them. 

CLAIRE

Shouldn’t we .. ?

FERRY OCCUPANT 3

What ?

FERRY OCCUPANT 4  takes out a note pad.

FERRY OCCUPANT 4

What’s his description ?(SCRIBBLES DOWN)  Green shirt , Caucasian.

CLAIRE

With jeans.

FERRY OCCUPANT 4

Dark hair . (SCRIBBLES DOWN)

CLAIRE

With white runners.

FERRY OCCUPANT 4 finishes scribbling , tears the sheet from his pad and hands it to CLAIRE.

FERRY OCCUPANT 4

Here . Take this to the police.

CLAIRE stares back in disbelief.

FERRY OCCUPANT 4

I can’t handle stress . Doctor’s orders.

FERRY OCCUPANT 5  addresses CLAIRE.

FERRY OCCUPANT 5

He shouldn’t get away with that.

CLAIRE

That’s what I think.

FERRY OCCUPANT 5

He could do it to someone else ?

CLAIRE

Exactly.

FERRY OCCUPANT 5

Could we live with ourselves ? (TO CLAIRE)  You  take it .. Well it’s got nothing to do with me. 

FERRY OCCUPANT 3

Don’t listen to them.

FERRY OCCUPANT 5

What ? We do nothing ?

FERRY OCCUPANT 3

He’s a big boy . He looked like he could swim .It wasn’t that far to the side.

CLAIRE

But he looked like ..

FERRY OCCUPANT 4 

He looked like he was on speed.

FERRY OCCUPANT 3

Then he’ll swim faster . He started the fight.

FERRY OCCUPANT 5

What’s that got to do with it ?

FERRY OCCUPANT 3

(TO CLAIRE) He could’ve picked on you next.

FERRY OCCUPANT 4

(HANDS NOTE TO CLAIRE) Are you going to take this to the police or what ?

CLAIRE takes the note and looks at it.

CLAIRE

Well .. He did look like he could swim .. Excuse me. CLAIRE moves away from them.

5.     INT .   STUART AND CLAIRE’S LIVING ROOM    EVENING 

STUART holds a golf putter and lines up on a golf ball . He putts the ball . 

STUART

So there I was.

Gave it a whack . Down the fairway. Sliced it to the right . And this wind picks it up. Drags it a hundred metres to the green. D’you believe that ?

We then see a shot of FERRY OCCUPANTS 1,2,3,4 and 5 seated in the lounge.

FERRY OCCUPANT 1

That’s nothing . D’you see mine at the sixteenth ? From the rough. Skim twice off the water. Straight as a die.

FERRY OCCUPANT  2

Down the neck of a duck.

FERRY OCCUPANT 1

Choking and waddling . Straight to the hole and coughed it in.

STUART

But if I were to say that to her . Would she believe me ?

FERRY OCCUPANT 4 takes out a tape recorder and replays CLAIRE’s words on the jetty, ”Well .. He did look like he could swim ..“. He clicks off.

STUART

Beautiful. Hiring that ferry . It was worth every cent. (GLANCES TOWARDS THE WINDOW)  Wait. She’s home . Quick.

6.      INT.   STUART AND CLAIRE’S KITCHEN     EVENING

They all gather in the kitchen.

STUART

Now remember . When she comes in here .. (MIMICS PARTY SURPRISE) ”Surprise“ (They conceal themselves behind a wall)

7.      INT.   STUART AND CLAIRE’S LIVING ROOM   EVENING

CLAIRE enters through the front door, closes it then leans back against it.  Her face shows relief though she is still troubled. STUART enters , acting concerned.

STUART

Oh honey . I heard on the radio . (HE RUSHES TO HUG HER)  Are you O.K. ?

CLAIRE

What ?

STUART

On the radio . It wasn’t your ferry, was it ?

CLAIRE

On the radio ?

STUART

Someone was attacked.

CLAIRE

The radio ?

STUART

Sit down , I’ll get you some water.

CLAIRE

No no , what’d they say ?

STUART

The water police . They fished him out . He’s in hospital.

CLAIRE

He’s O.K. ?

STUART

So you were there ?

Pause.

CLAIRE

Well .. It was a crowded ferry.

STUART

They caught the guy.

CLAIRE

They got ‘im ?

STUART

You would’ve seen something.

Pause.

CLAIRE

It was a few seats away y’know ..This guy just got up and clobbered ‘im . No reason. 

STUART

Y’ kidding.

CLAIRE

I couldn’t see everything. 

STUART

But you did something ?

Pause.

CLAIRE

Well he just shot through the ferry. I couldn’t get to him.

STUART

Cause it was crowded. 

CLAIRE

Exactly.

STUART

Oh honey . (HE HUGS HER) Y’ so brave.

Pause.

CLAIRE

And he would’ve got away .. But I went to where he sat.

STUART

You what ?

CLAIRE

And all these people were .. just staring.

STUART

Bastards.

CLAIRE

But I said .. ”Now look here“

8.     INT.     STUART AND CLAIRE’S KITCHEN     EVENING

FERRY OCCUPANTS 1,2,3,4 and 5 have a quiet snicker behind the kitchen wall.

 9 .    INT.      STUART AND CLAIRE’S LIVING ROOM    EVENING 

STUART

You said that ?

CLAIRE

”Now look here ”

STUART

Cause you call a spade a spade.

CLAIRE

An’ we got a description . (HOLDS UP NOTE)

STUART

An’ they caught him . (HUGS HER) Oh honey .. You’re a tiger ..   (LOOKS AT WATCH)  Five past midnight.

STUART goes to a table , lifts the ”TOMORROW IS ..“ butcher paper off to reveal a champagne bottle in an ice bucket.

STUART

Tomorrow is .. Today . The first of April .. Happy Anniversary . (THEY HUG AGAIN) You thought I’d forgot.

CLAIRE passes him the plastic bag with his computer magazine.

CLAIRE

Your magazine.

STUART

Thanks .. You’re a tiger . (CLAIRE GROWLS) And I’m so boring.

CLAIRE

No , you’re not.

STUART

Oh yeah . There’s better guys out there.

CLAIRE

I’d never leave you.

STUART

Well the night’s still young. 

CLAIRE

No no I’m happy . I really am.

STUART

Just hold that thought . (LOOKS TO THE ICE BUCKET) I left the glasses in the kitchen.

CLAIRE

I’ll get them .. Let the tiger go .(GROWLS) .. And I thought you forgot.

STUART

Something tells me.. we won’t be forgetting this in a  while. THEY KISS) As they break , the picture fades.

THE END

SPADES

CHARACTER ANALYSIS

CLAIRE

Female in mid-twenties . A solicitor’s secretary who has been married to STUART for three years . She prides herself on being able to call a ”spade a spade“, to tell the truth without embellishment and constantly picks up on STUART’s tendency to exaggerate .

STUART

Male in mid-twenties . An accountant and a computer enthusiast who enjoys golf .

He loves CLAIRE however it has become a tradition that they play practical jokes on one another for their wedding anniversary, April 1 .

FERRY OCCUPANT 1

Male in mid-forties . In the ruse for CLAIRE’s benefit , he appears  to be mentally unstable and aggressive however he is a good golfing friend of STUART .    

FERRY OCCUPANT 2

Male in mid-twenties who is convincingly muscular. In the ruse for CLAIRE’s benefit , he appears to be a man who reads a book on yoga yet punches out FERRY  OCCUPANT 1 . In reality he is also one of STUART’s golfing friends .

FERRY OCCUPANT 3

Well-dressed woman in mid-forties . In the ruse for CLAIRE’s benefit she appears to be a prim woman who believes her fellow ferry occupants should not get involved in FERRY OCCUPANT 1’s fate . In reality of course she is one of STUART’s friends .

FERRY OCCUPANT 4

A scruffy male in teenage to early twenties . In the ruse for CLAIRE’s benefit , he appears idealistic in the belief that FERRY OCCUPANT 2 be brought to justice .

But just not by him . In reality he’s one of STUART’s friends .

FERRY OCCUPANT 5

A casually-dressed female in mid-forties to fifty. In the ruse for CLAIRE’s benefit she is as idealistic and non-committal as FERRY OCCUPANT 4 and once again is one of  STUART’s friends.  (Ages of FERRY OCCUPANTS can vary)  

SPADES was filmed in Brisbane on December 2 & 3, 2000 with the following Cast and Crew.

Production Personnel

Director/ Writer                                                                       Mark Barkley

Production Assistant                                                               Troy Proudfoot

Crew Personnel

Director of Photography                                                         Mike Hilburger

Assistant Director                                                                   Noelle Stevens

Camera Operator                                                                     Col Larsen

Camera Assistant                                                                    Jodie Camilleri

Key Grip/ Gaffer                                                                    Russ Rickard

Sound                                                                                      Sean McMillan

Make Up                                                                                 Lana Calnan

Continuity                                                                               Micki Wells

Music Composer                                                                     Vaughan Ney

Stills Photography                                                                   Henri Van Noordenburg

Cast / Talent

Claire                                                                                       Tanya Schneider

Stuart                                                                                      Jeremy Vallis

Occupant 1                                                                              Brad Sheriff

Occupant 2                                                                              Luke Yeoman

Occupant 3                                                                              Marion-Clare Wayne

Occupant 4                                                                              Michael Coughlan

Occupant 5                                                                              Rachael Doolan

SPADES was short-listed in the top ten films presented for the third annual Courier Mail What’s On Short Cut Film Fest. It was screened at the Brisbane Powerhouse, Newfarm, with all other finalists on February 2, 2001.

All rights whatsoever in these plays are strictly reserved. © Mark Barkley 2008

Applications for permission for any use whatsoever including performance rights must be made in advance, prior to any such proposed use.